Day 2 – 30 Days of Me!

Posted on September 6, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Hello Readers!

Today is day 2 of the 30 Days of ME challenge.  I’m happy to report that my internet is turned back on!! It’s so much easier updating my blog from my laptop.  Today’s topic is “The meaning behind your Blog Name”.

My blog name is Dottie’s Journey.  It’s not very creative; that’s for sure.  That’s because I’m not creative.  And as you can imagine, the blog is exactly that…my journey.  Dottie is my nickname.  My real name is Dorothy.  I grew up not really liking my name.  To be honest, I didn’t like any of my names.  Dorothy, Dottie or Dodie.  But I can’t think of another name that I’d rather be called.  I actually grew up being called Dodie.  I didn’t like the idea of calling my blog Dorothy’s journey and my daughter’s best friend’s mother’s name was Dodie so I didn’t want to use that name so I went with Dottie.  And journey because that’s what this blog is…a journey to find my health and happiness.  It started as a weight loss blog, but has evolved into one of more than that.  I now struggle not only with my weight, but also with mental illness and now I’m approaching mid-life crisis, etc.  I think journey is a good word to cover it all.

I lost my long time job and also my marriage.  I’m learning who I am now.  I’m finding that I’m a very different person than I was when I was married.  I’m so much stronger now.  You’ve heard that quote by Bob Marley before? “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”  It’s true.

Well, that’s pretty much it.  No fancy name and no fancy story behind it.

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and smiles!

❤ Dottie

 

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Day 1 – 30 Days Of Me

Posted on September 4, 2018 by DorothyMarie

For day 1 I need to post a current picture of myself and 15 interesting facts about myself. To be honest, I’m not sure there’s a whole lot of interesting about me so I’ll just post 15 facts about me. But first a picture and hopefully I can figure out how to do that on my phone. Yes, my internet was shut off so I can’t use my laptop to post this entry.

Here we go! This was a selfie I took recently. I think red is my color!

Now for the 15 facts:

  1. I am also a YouTuber! I started my channel back in 2010 and have over 1,000 videos. One year I did a video every day!
  2. I’ve been blogging for a long time also. I got rid of my blogger site.
  3. I had two miscarriages and I’m convinced that they were the boys I always wanted.
  4. My ex cheated on me back in 2005 and I worked my ass off to forgive him. I worked…he didn’t. And then he asked for a divorce this year.
  5. I have two half sisters that I didn’t know about until my adult years.
  6. I’m going to school for Psychology and think I might want to go into the area of criminal justice.
  7. I’ve actually had two weight loss surgeries now. One in 2009 and the most recent on April 30, 2018. I don’t claim to be proud of that.
  8. I’ve been hospitalized 6 times for mental illness between December 2013 and December 2016!
  9. My diagnoses were depression, anxiety, schizo-affective disorder and psychosis.
  10. I have PCOS which makes losing weigh very difficult!
  11. Both of my parents are deceased. My mom died of morbid obesity related issues in 2006 at the age of 56 and my dad died in November of 2011 from lung cancer that metasticized to his brain. He was 61.
  12. I have five dogs living with me! Two Pit Bull Terriers (Aspen and Oaklee), One German Shepherd (Xena), One long haired Husky (Kaya) and one Pomeranian (Teddy Bear). The Husky and one of the Pits belong to my daughter.
  13. I still believe in love and marriage and have hopes of finding both one day! ❤️
  14. I’ve never flown on a plane before. I need to get over my fear so I can visit my sister who lives in Hawaii!
  15. Some things I’m afraid of: snakes, bats, storms like bad thunderstorms and tornadoes, aging into the 50’s and beyond. This is because my mom passed so young. This is why I’m trying so hard to lose weight now. I’m terrified of dying young and not meeting any future grandchildren.

There you have it. Day 1 is complete!

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and smiles!

❤ Dottie

Posted in life, Obesity, Wellness | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

30 Days Of Me

Posted on September 4, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Hello Readers!

In my last post, I mentioned I would be doing another post today and here it is.  It’ll be a short one.  I’m introducing a 30 day blog challenge.  Now I didn’t make this up so I can’t take credit for it.  I actually found this on Pinterest.  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/283234264050081089/

And, here’s a link to the blog/Day 1 post that started the original 30 Days of Me http://livingoffloveandcoffee.com/30-days-day-1/

This is a 30 Days of Me challenge.  So I will be posting something every day for the next 30 days.  Day 1 will begin tomorrow.  I am hoping this will help my readers get to know me a little better, and in addition maybe increase my viewership.  There are a few things that I might find challenging like the first day for instance…15 interesting facts about myself.  I’m not sure I can come up with 15.  I don’t find myself very interesting at all.  I’ll be thinking about that as I go to sleep tonight.

A little off topic…I updated my pictures page with new weekly images of me taken post op.  I take a new picture every Monday.  I think I’ll keep posting a new one every week.  I do this to see the changes.  I’ve noticed I can see my collar bones now.

So that’s it for this post.  Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and smiles.

❤ Dottie

 

 

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18 Weeks Post Op VSG

Posted on September 4, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Hello Readers!

Happy Labor Day!  I hope you have enjoyed your holiday with your loved ones.  I visited with my grandma and uncle today.  It was an enjoyable time.  She made brats for dinner and we had potato salad to go along with it.  For dessert, we had some ice cream.  I always enjoy visiting with them.  I’ll be sad when the leave to go back to Florida at the end of October.  I can’t believe summer is coming to an end already.

Today marks 18 weeks post op vertical sleeve gastrectomy or VSG.  Last week I lost 1.2 pounds bringing my total to 65.6 pounds.  I’m happy with that.  My current weight is 289.4 pounds.  I’m so happy to be out of the 300’s.  My pre-op weight was 355 pounds.  My BMI has gone from a 62.9 to 51.3.  I’m still very much obese.  I’m considered Obese Class III according to the app that I’m using.  That app is called My Weight.  I have it loaded on my phone and every Monday I weigh myself and enter the weight.  It keeps track of the history and also includes a graph as well.  I like it well enough.  I also make use of MapMyWalk and an app called Sweatcoin.  Sweatcoin actually pays you to walk outside.  I haven’t done a whole lot of walking outside yet, but I already have $19.79 in my account.  Now, unfortunately, they do not pay in cash yet.  They do, however, offer gift cards and audio books and things like that.  I’m looking forward to them offering cash via PayPal.  That is their goal.  Here is my link if you’re interested in checking it out.  http://sweatcoin.org/i/dorothy639069 . The app connects to my Health app that is on my phone which tracks the number of steps I take while walking outside.  I happen to have an iPhone X, but I’m sure it works the same with an Android phone.

I didn’t do so well with exercise this past week so that’s one of my goals for this week. I need to step up my game!  I also need to get more water in and more protein.  I’ve been a bit depressed and so I haven’t been eating the greatest and I know that’s not good.  Here’s to a better week!!

I’m going to end this post here as I have another one that I’m going to do.  Yes, two posts in one day!!  I hope to gain some viewers/popularity with my blog and my vlog too!  Yes, I have a YouTube channel as well.  Here’s the link for that if you wanna have a look http://www.youtube.com/c/DottieMay

Wherever you are in this beautiful world, I wish you peace, love and smiles.

❤ Dottie

 

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Feeling Down

Posted on August 31, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Today, I had my therapy appointment.  I typically go every two weeks.  I go to a Christian counselor and I’m very happy with her.  Today, we talked about my finances again.  I’m currently two months behind on both my mortgage and my car payment.  I’m also behind on my electric bill and cable bill.  I called to make payment arrangements on my electric bill though so at least that won’t get shut off.  And I called and cancelled my cable tv so I only have internet now.  I need the internet for my schooling.  I’m cutting back wherever I can.  I work full time, however, truth is the job just doesn’t pay enough to cover all my bills and I’ve been pretty stressed over it.  Being single is a huge challenge.  I think that’s the one part of the divorce that has been the toughest.  I honestly do not miss my ex, but I do miss the double income.  I’m going to work on updating my resume and start looking for a better job.  The one I’m at is only a contract position through the end of December anyway.

The other thing my therapist and I talked about were the upcoming holidays.  I can’t believe Monday is Labor Day already.  My ex runs a fireworks store so Labor Day was one of those holidays where he would be busy selling fireworks.  My therapist was concerned how I might handle the holiday.  I don’t think I’m all too concerned about Labor Day.  But, I have thought about Thanksgiving and Christmas already.  They’ll be my first as a divorcee’.  What will I do?  We used to have dinner at our house and invite my ex’s sister and her family over for dinner on Thanksgiving.  Now what will I do?  I guess I have to think of new traditions to start?  Will my kids be here with me or will they go with their dad?  They’re adults and will probably do whatever they feel like doing.  It is pretty heart-wrenching when I think about it.  I sit here in tears as I think about how lonely these holidays might be.

Tomorrow is Friday and I’m so glad.  I’m ready for the weekend!  What I’m not ready for though is the colder weather.  I’ve been enjoying the summer months; spending time at the park or beach.  This is the first time, I’ve actually loved summer!  I’m sad because one of the parks that I’ve been going to almost everyday after work is going to be closing the day after Labor Day.  What will I do now?!  I enjoy going to the park to unwind after a long day at work.  Being in nature is so therapeutic for me.  I dread the thought of winter and snow and the seasonal depression that I’ll no doubt experience.  SAD = Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I will have to find a way to combat it.  I’ll have to get some warm clothes and embrace the winter months too.  Maybe I’ll try snowshoeing!  If you are in a state that gets snow, and suffer from SAD, how do you fight it?  I’m looking for ideas.  Please comment and share.

That’s all for now.  I wish you all, no matter where you are in this beautiful world, peace, love and smiles.

❤ Dottie

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17 Weeks Post Op – Life Update

Posted on August 29, 2018 by DorothyMarie

I weighed in yesterday and I’m currently at 290.6 pounds.  That puts me at a loss of 1.6 pounds for the week and a total loss of 64.4 pounds since my pre-surgery weight of 355 pounds.  As a reminder, I had my VSG surgery on April 30, 2018.  This last week, I did not get any exercise in. However, I did well with getting my water in.  I have to do better with getting protein in though.  I have noticed that my hair is getting incredibly thin and I don’t like that at all.  I’ve started back on my vitamin regimen as recommended by my surgeons office.  I take a chewy multi-vitamin, a chewy calcium citrate, a folic acid and gummy vitamin D3.  I use special Biotin shampoo as well.  I hope my hair doesn’t get any thinner on top because it looks pretty bad as it is.

For those that may not be aware, I also have a YouTube channel where I record video diaries.  I started my channel way back in 2010 and have over 1000 videos I think.  One year, I did a full year of daily videos.  That was a fun year.  That was back when my kids were still in school and life was a lot more interesting and fun.  Anyway, if you’re interested, my channel is http://www.youtube.com/c/DottieMay . I am trying to post at least a video each week updating my weight loss progress.  I used to have dreams of becoming a YouTube star, but that just never happened.

Things are still rough financially.  Still haven’t received the assumption package from my mortgage company.  In speaking with my boss, she recommended I try for loss mitigation instead.  She says that I may qualify due to loss of income.  I work in a mortgage servicing office, so she is an expert.  So, I’ll probably follow up with my mortgage company and look into that.  I’m currently two months behind on both my mortgage and my car payment.  I just set up a payment arrangement for my electricity.  And, I’m pretty much behind on everything else as well.  I just called to have my cable cancelled so I just have internet service.  I can’t get rid of internet because I need it for school.

Speaking of school, it’s going pretty well.  The class I’m in currently is called Interviewing and Counseling.  It’s my first PSY class since starting school in January.  It’s a five week class and I’m just beginning week three today.  There is a paper due every week. Have I mentioned before that I do not like writing papers lol.  I think the part that I don’t like is the length requirements and the APA style, and citing sources, etc.  Of course I know citing sources is important.  For week five, I have to do a role play assignment where I play the part of a counselor and I have to choose someone to be my client and record the interview session.  Then I have to write a reflection paper on it.  I’m kind of nervous about that assignment.  I have no idea who I’m going to interview!

So, I’m curious…how do you feel about online relationships?  I know they happen and are more common now than they once were.  I mentioned in a previous post about a guy named Nick.  Well, that relationship is done.  After one too many times of him asking for money, I couldn’t do it anymore so I told him I was no longer interested.  He didn’t take it well and proceeded to threaten to post some things to my Facebook timeline.  I then had a small panic attack.  I almost took my Facebook down.  I did change my name and modified my permissions.  I will say that I have found someone new that I have been talking to for a while and he has not ever asked for money.  He calls me baby boo which I absolutely adore.  Unfortunately, he is out of town, but at least not out of country.  He lives in Jew Jersey.  Do you believe you can fall in love with someone you’ve only met online?  That’s where I’m at.  My heart floats whenever we talk.  And his eyes are simply amazing.  He’s gotta be the most beautiful man I’ve met.  He has hopes of taking a vacation at the end of September and spending a couple days here in Michigan to meet me.  I hope these plans can be realized.

You know, when I first got divorced, I was not only convinced I’d never find love again but also that I’d never want to move from this house.  That’s because inheritance from my great-grandparents got us this house and there is sentimental value here.  However, life has changed my mind.  I don’t mind the thought of moving from here and seeing where life or love takes me.  I just want to be fully happy again and perhaps that’s not in Michigan?  I don’t know.  I need to open my mind and my heart and let God guide me.

My aunt met her husband 27 years ago through a personal ad in a magazine called Single File.  Back then, there was no Internet.  If she can find love and marriage in that format back then, which I think is similar to what online/internet is now, then I feel that I can find love online too.  My aunt and her husband just celebrated their 27 year anniversary a few days ago and they are still very much in love all these years later.

I’m going to end this post now.  Please have yourself a wonderful day or night wherever you are in this wonderful world.  I wish you peace, love and smiles.

❤ Dottie

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Another Update

Posted on July 24, 2018 by DorothyMarie

I always say that I want to write on this blog on a regular basis and then I just don’t do it.  So, I’ve been doing pretty good aside from struggling financially.  Being single is an adjustment when it comes to bills that’s for sure.  And, while I do work, I’m not making the amount that I used to so that’s an adjustment too.  I cannot afford my mortgage and that’s heartbreaking.  I’ve asked my daughter if she has a friend or two who would want to move in and maybe she and her friends could assume the loan and I can find something cheaper.  I’ve called the mortgage company and they are sending an assumption package for my daughter to fill out.  I’m praying that they will approve it and my daughter and friends can assume the loan.  I really cannot afford it anymore.  I’m behind on other bills as well.  😦

I have been talking with a few guys online.  It’s crazy how these men think I’m beautiful and sweet.  But I can’t find anyone locally to feel the same.  Anyway, one in particular, Nick may be coming into town this Friday.  I hope that happens.  I’d really like to meet him finally.  We’ve been talking online for a few months.  Meeting online is a lot more common these days.  He’s really nice.  Even says he wants to marry me!  Crazy huh?!  Wants me to move to Ohio with him.  He’s been working on contract in Louisiana.  Life would certainly change.  He’s even sent me pictures of the house he plans to purchase. It’s quite beautiful.  Of course, I really need to meet the guy first!

On April 30, I had weight loss surgery.  I had the sleeve gastrectomy.  So far, I’ve lost 60.2 lbs and for the first time in a long time I’m under 300 lbs.  I really want to be successful this time.  I think I will.  The job loss, the divorce, weight loss…it’s all part of my new story and life.  I weigh myself and take a photo every Monday to keep track of the changes.

Overall, I’m doing well.  Some days are a little emotional but not because I miss my ex or anything.  I’ve come to realize that he is not right for me. I deserve so much better!!

Peace – Love – Smiles

❤ Dottie

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Emotional Sunday

Posted on April 22, 2018 by DorothyMarie

It’s been a while again.  I keep saying I want to blog more and then I don’t.  I’ve been busy with school, but am still unemployed.  Only now unemployment has run out so I have no income! Please pray or send positive thoughts that I find something soon.  I’ve been doing some transcription but it pays next to nothing when you’re starting out.  Hopefully, I can get better and start to earn some real income from it.  Working from home would be ideal!

Yesterday I was feeling a bit emotional and I cried some tears.  Today, however has been even worse.  This morning after my daughter left for work, I broke down.  I went into my room and snuggled with my prayer pal and just let the tears flow.  I cried for a good half hour at least.  Then I had to eat some breakfast and get ready for church.

I have good days and bad days still.  I imagine I will for quite some time.  I hate this divorce.  I still think it sucks! I am still upset that he wasn’t interested in trying marriage counseling. I’m still heartbroken! I’ve been beating myself up these past couple of days, blaming myself for all of it.  I figure if he wanted out, it must be my fault.  As a result, I feel horrible.  Today there was a post on Facebook that he’s at a mud run with this girl and a group of others.  They’re probably just friends but the mere thought of him having a girlfriend kills me inside.  It’s highly possible.  We are divorced.  It was finalized last Tuesday.  Technically, he has every right.  But it still kills me.  I can’t even think about seeing anyone right now.  It’s way too soon and besides, my self-esteem is in the toilet.  I have none.  I don’t think I’m good enough for anyone right now.  I obviously need to learn to love myself.  If only I could see myself the way God sees me!  That was the topic at church today.  After church, I visited the grave of my dear sister friend Heidi and then my mom and grandparents graves.  I cried so much at all of them.  I complained to my mom about this divorce and how hurt I am.  I wish she and my grandparents were here to hug!  Boy do I miss them!

So, yes the divorce was finalized last Tuesday. I got teary eyed at court. Nobody knew but me. After we left the courtroom, I turned to my ex and said that I disagreed with it. I told him I think we could have worked it out had we went to marriage counseling.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything, but I did.  I couldn’t help it.  The first thing I did when I left there was buy chocolate…as if that helps.  Then, I made an appointment to get my nails done.  I figured I deserved a little pampering I guess.  I never get my nails done so it was something different.

This past Monday, I had an appointment with the bariatric surgeon.  I will be having surgery on April 30.  I’m getting the sleeve gastrectomy.  So, right now I’m on a pre-op diet.  It’s not easy that’s for sure. Especially being so emotional, I just want to eat something I know I shouldn’t!  But I’m not.  I’m being good.  After the surgery, I’ll be on liquids only for two weeks!  I don’t know how I’m going to get through that!!

Well, I suppose that’s it for now.  I should try to get some school work done.  I have two papers due tomorrow night!

Peace – Love – Smiles

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Restart

Posted on March 2, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Today’s one word post seemed quite appropriate as I am going through a restart at this very moment.  Well to be honest, I have been for a few months.  It started at the first of the year.  Well, technically it really began when I lost my job of 28.5 years back in October.  That’s when my restart really began.  But then at the first of the year, my soon to be ex-husband informed me that he wanted a divorce!  Another big blow.  This after nearly 27 years of marriage!  In January, I also started school – another big restart.  I worked for years in the area of IT and now I’m studying Psychology.  I was going to go to school for web development, but then I prayed about it and decided to follow my dream from back in high school.  Back then, I initially wanted to be a counselor for troubled teens.  That was because my brother had gotten into some trouble and we had to go to family counseling through the juvenile system.  For some reason, I was mesmerized by it and I decided then that I wanted to do that for a living.  Problem is, I couldn’t get into the university at that time.  So instead I got a job right out of high school at the office where I stayed for 28.5 years.  I started work there in the Word Processing department.  When that was dissolved, I interviewed and was placed in the IT department.  Back in October, the IT department went through a reorganization and I was told I was no longer needed.  I was quite devastated at first.  I am still collecting unemployment right now and have about 8 weeks left.  When my ex hit me with divorce, I panicked.  How in the world am I going to afford this house payment and all the other bills?!  We have mediation coming up on the 5th.  I need to find some work.  I’m hoping to do some transcription from home.  Working from home seems to be an ideal situation for me. It would work well with my schooling.  So with the job loss, a divorce…I’m going through a restart.  School is going to help me start a new career.  And, I went to an appointment with a surgeon to see about getting a revision weight loss surgery to help me lose more weight.  Also – a restart.  I also got a new bed and slept in it for the first time last night…alone.  Another restart.  I think I may want a weighted blanket though.  I’m used to having a dog sleep on my lap.  I was sleeping in the recliner in the family room with my dog sleeping on my lap.  I missed that last night.  I don’t want the dogs in my bedroom though.  I’m told a weighted blanket can help with anxiety.  So, a lot has happened that has basically forced me to Restart many areas of my life.  I’m still quite emotional about a lot of it too.  I hope to find happiness again to fill the gaping hole in my heart.  This all sure isn’t easy I’ll say that.  Peace and Love to you friends.

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Life Update – It’s Been Awhile!

Posted on February 28, 2018 by DorothyMarie

Oh my goodness has it been a long time!  My last update was in October after losing my job.  I’m still currently unemployed and have about 8 weeks left of unemployment, but am looking to do transcription from home.  I really want to find something I can do from home as I think that would work best with my schooling.  Yes, I have returned to school!  This is my 3rd attempt at trying school again.  This time, I hope to actually finish and get a degree!  I’m studying Psychology which is very different from the field I worked in (IT).  The program is entirely online, which I love.  I hate driving in winter so being able to stay at home and log on is awesome.  My first class was Personal Wellness.  I just finished the class with a 96% (A).  I got a 100% on my final research project.  I did my project on schizoaffective disorder.  I was very happy with my grades!

So, the big news and change since October is the awful D word – DIVORCE!  No, it’s not what I wanted.  I was heartbroken when my soon to be ex broke the news to me.  I guess he’s been unhappy for a while.  He intended on telling me at the end of summer, but didn’t because my employer was beginning to do its layoffs and he said he couldn’t do it.  I wish he would’ve! At least then, I had a job!  Instead, he waited until the new year.  The holidays this year pretty much sucked!  The new year was worse!  I cried almost non stop for two weeks at the beginning of the year.  I didn’t see it coming.  He wasn’t interested in marriage counseling or anything.  He just wanted out.  He doesn’t want any of my 401K or pension and doesn’t want the house.  There are no lawyers involved because I can’t afford one anyway.  I’ve had people tell me to go for alimony, but I don’t know that I’d get anything.  I was the breadwinner for 28 years until my employer let me go in October.  The timing is incredible!  I’ve begun going to a group called Girl Talk on Tuesday mornings.  It’s a group of ladies from church that gather for prayer and fellowship.  Right now, we’re doing a bible study (reading the book “24 Hours that Changed the World”).  I also go to a GriefShare group on Tuesday evenings.  Most of the people in that group also go to my church, but not all of them.  Tonight, I got pretty emotional and broke down in tears.  My spouse didn’t die, but he’s no longer in the house so it’s a loss.  I took my ring off yesterday.  That is taking some getting use to.  I’ve worn that ring for so long.  And it got me through some rough times when I was hospitalized.  To not see it on my finger is a bit emotional, I won’t lie.  We go for mediation on Monday, March 5.  To be honest, I’m not looking forward to it at all.  Up to 3 hours in a room with him…ugh!  I can already feel the anxiety building.  Speaking of anxiety, I’ve been doing okay with that.  I’ve been going to therapy weekly.  My depression has been okay too for having gone through a job loss and now this divorce.  I’m still on the Seroquel and Topamax.  The Topamax was to curb the late night snacking caused by the Seroquel.  I had gained like 30 lbs. initially when I was put on the Seroquel.

I got my first tattoo!  The whole divorce thing caused me to think about death and dying – how was I going to go on?  So I decided to get a tattoo that incorporated the semi-colon.  Here’s a picture of it.  This was taken right after it was done so it’s a bit raw.  The butterfly is colored purple and yellow.  Yellow is my favorite color and yellow was my little cousin Nicole’s favorite color.  She passed away in 2016 at the age of 7. She had Cerebral Palsy.  You can see that the first “t” in Strength is a cross.  That’s to signify my faith.  And of course the word Strength is pretty self-explanatory but it’s to remind me that I have the strength within me to get through the storms.  The semi-colon indicates that my story isn’t over yet.  I was nervous about getting the tattoo because I wasn’t sure if it was going to hurt, but it didn’t really hurt too much.  Kinda like a cat scratching.  I’m pretty proud of it though.  It’s on the inside of my left wrist.

StrengthTattoo

My blog now has its own domain!  http://www.dottiesjourney.com I was pretty excited to get that set up.  Now, I just need to keep going with updating it.  I suppose, I’m going to end this post.  It’ already 10:15 p.m.  I should call it a night and settle in.

Take care and I wish you Peace, Love and Smiles!

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