Today marks 20 years since my mom passed away. I can’t believe it’s been so long! I miss her so much. I know that if she were still alive, she’d let me live with her and that would be wonderful. I currently rent a room in an adult foster care home and it’s tough sometimes. There are four other residents that also rent and I get along with them for the most part. But there are times when one of the residents starts drama and I get frustrated. And a couple weeks ago, two people got into a shouting match and it triggered me. I had to go to my room and I cried. It brought back memories of when I was a kid and my dad and step-mom would get into shouting matches. I know those things happen but they scare me.

I think of my mom often and lately I’ve been having dreams with her in them. One day I actually woke from a dream in tears. My mom was only 56 when she passed. I am turning 55 in May and I often get nervous about getting older. But I keep telling myself that I’m in a much better spot physically than my mom was. My mom was morbidly obese and she had several comorbidities. She was pretty much bedridden in her final days. I felt bad for her. I will never forget how she looked in the hospital during her final day. They had her laying flat on her back and I knew she couldn’t breathe well. I didn’t like seeing her that way because I know she always slept in a reclining position. I had such a hard time in the hospital seeing her. I just cried and ended up going home to hug my kids.

I’m sad my mom passed so young but I’m glad my kids spent so much time with her while she was alive. They have such great memories of time spent with her. My daughter Kara posted some memories on Facebook and it just brought me to tears. I wish she were still alive so she could meet her great-grandsons.

I sure love and miss her. But I know she’s watching over us all and I find comfort in that. I also am glad she is in no more pain. I just can’t believe it’s been 20 years already. Boy how time flies!

Blessings,

❤ Dorothy