Midlife Work

It’s Monday after a nice 4-day weekend. It was really tough coming into work today. I almost didn’t. I know that I should be grateful for a job and I am. However, my heart is no longer in this job.  I can honestly say I don’t like it anymore.  That makes for a tough morning every day (except for weekends).  I don’t like time to fly and yet I find myself looking forward to the weekend every week.

I don’t know why I feel this way about my job. Perhaps it’s the longevity. I’ve been here since I graduated high school. In May, it’ll be 27 years. The reason I haven’t left this place is because I have 6 weeks of vacation.  I love my vacation time.  If I were to go to something different, I certainly wouldn’t have that much vacation.

I need to dig in my heart and ask myself, what is it I want to do. You know what I’d love?  If my husband could realize his dream of owning his own business.  Then, I could work with him. That would be something different and working with my husband is a dream for me.  Get me out of this corporate world.  Being unhappy about it every day I come here can’t be good.  One person can only take it for so long.  I have been searching job openings though just in case something pops out at me.

If I can’t work with my husband, the next thing I’d like is to be a life/health coach. That, however, requires schooling and I’m not going to try that again. I’m already buried in school loans for the other couple times I tried.  This last time I tried, I ended up having my first anxiety and panic attacks and eventually ended up hospitalized.  I stayed at the hospital 5 different times now. I am praying that there’s no more.  After my last stay at the hospital, my daughter said that the job was why I was having this difficulties and I should consider applying for disability.  I was off so long at one point I did have to apply for social security. I was denied of course.  Honestly, I too think work is a part of it.

Perhaps this is a midlife crisis. I want to do something different. I want to explore. I like photography, perhaps I can do something with that. Perhaps my husband and I could get to working on Body by Vi (Visalus). One of the guys that I know was able to quit his corporate job he did so well with it.  He’s still doing well.

I’m sick of this cubicle.